Mom and Son Cope with Dad’s Death

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I hugged Mom to me, and asked “What do we do next?”, already trying on my “Help Mom” hat.

She rest her cheek on my shoulder for a moment, her nose by my neck, before saying, “Phone calls. Family, friends, his boss, mine at the hospital. But both of our phones are still in the bedroom, and the police won’t let me back in to get them yet. Can you get yours, and we can at least start with your grandparents?”

I got my phone, and pulled Mom’s parents up in my contacts list, and brought it to Mom, then watched, as she broke the news to her parents. I didn’t know how she was staying so calm. Her call to Dad’s parents was longer, and she finally broke down crying, and I took the phone from her and talked with Grandpa Dave, as Grandma Marion had also broken down crying, perhaps triggering Mom’s tears. Grandpa told me that they’d be over as soon as they could get there, about 20 minutes, and he’d call Dad’s two brothers on the way.

I took Mom back into my arms, and let her cry into my chest. My own tears weren’t coming. Even though I wasn’t feeling terribly strong, I knew strength was what my Mom needed at the moment. So, stiff upper lip and all that.

She finally pulled away from me, wiped her tears and started down the stairs and I followed her. It was weird seeing the Christmas tree in the living room, surrounded with gifts, and the thought popped in my head that many of them would have Dad’s name on them, either as giver or recipient. Merry Frickin’ Christmas To Us. I followed her to the kitchen, where she started coffee. She turned to me and said, “This is going to be a long day, and we better start getting ready for a full house. Drew, can you get a pack of muffins out of the freezer, and we’ll warm them up?”

I went out to the big freezer in our garage, and got out two packs of chocolate muffins, figuring that one wasn’t going to be enough, and brought them back to the kitchen, just as the Medical Examiner’s team came down the stairs with the gurney with Dad’s body in a bag, and the last police officer on the scene told Mom that they were done in the bedroom, offered his condolences again and they all left. I popped open the plastic around one pack of muffins and tossed them in the microwave, then ran up the stairs to get fully dressed since company was coming, then grabbed both Mom’s and Dad’s phones before heading back downstairs, so Mom and I could make more phone calls to deliver the bad news.

I was in the middle of a call to Patti to give her the news when the doorbell rang. Grandpa Dave and Grandma Marion. The first of the family to arrive, but hardly the last. The rest of the morning was a blur, making calls, receiving others offering condolences, more family arriving. Hugs I could have gotten lost in, if I dared let myself. Grandma Anna and Grandpa Scott, my mom’s parents, her older sister Maria, my Dad’s younger brothers Tony with his wife Mimi and my teenage cousins Angie and Carrie, and Dave Jr. with his girlfriend Antonia, my girlfriend Patti, who lived 35 miles from us, and my high school buddies Duke and Kenny who grew up a couple of blocks away. A same-day wake, if you will.

Flowers were already beginning to arrive from various out-of-town friends. I felt like I was constantly answering the door, when I really felt like finding a corner and just hiding in it. But my promise to Dad was already in effect, and I wasn’t about to make my Mom have to handle this duty.

The only minor conflict of the day came from Grandma Marion. “Tina, were you thinking about Evergreen Cemetery for the burial? Dave and I have plots already bought there, and they should still have openings in our area.”

Mom responded, “Actually, Tom and I decided a few years ago that we both want to be cremated, and have our ashes scattered at several different locations.”

“Oh. He never told me that.” Grandma answered, her tone one of clear disbelief.

Mom clenched her jaw, before answering, “It’s not something even we talked about a lot. But we did have our talk about matters like that, one night in the hospital after his second heart attack, and wrote our locations down.”

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