A mother surrenders to herself

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“Well!” Sam finally stated flatly. “I need to clean up before my son gets home so I need to leave you to it Char. Do you have a better handle on yourself now?” She asked.

“What did you just make me do?” Charlene whispered. As she slowly pulled her fingers from her aching labia and stared down at the floor before her like a child who was being scolded.

“I made you face a truth that would have driven you mad otherwise. If you need this again baby; if you just need to talk about it, well… you know I’m here, and now at least, you know I understand.” Samantha reassured her friend.

“You might; I’m not sure I do though. I feel filthy.” Charlene whispered.

“Give it time. I’ll talk to you later babe.” Samantha replied and with a soft click, Charlene’s cell phone chimed that the call had ended. She stared down at the screen until the backlight faded and then looked at her wall clock, taking note that David wouldn’t likely be home himself any time soon and wondered how it was even going to be possible to control herself now, if she could even look him in the eyes. She stared back down at the smart phones reflective black face. The woman that stared back wasn’t the same one who had greeted her in the mirror that morning. Everything was different now.

The remainder of the day fell behind Charlene in a blur. Mechanically, she had labored about the house, vacuuming, doing laundry; even dusting which she usually avoided until she knew her house was going to be graced with company. Anything she could fathom to accomplish was something to keep her mind distant from the ache of longing between her legs, which since her surrender to Samantha’s whims had not gone away. She avoided David’s room in her chores and had even passed by the mantle while she dusted and cleaned to avoid making eye contact with so much as a photograph of her teenage son.

As the sun started to go down behind the rows of houses in her neighborhood, Charlene glanced at the clock on the stove as she drew out a pot roast that she was certain after that morning she would be eating alone. She and David were not prone to argument but on the rare occasion it did happen, he had a habit of making himself scarce until he figured she had gone to sleep. He would then return safely home and quietly retire to his room and upon the dawning of the next day, regard his mother as though nothing had happened. Such was the way their family operated, in a cloud of passive aggressiveness. Having endured years with David’s father, who was more the sort to need to fight out any problem he encountered, Charlene was usually grateful that David hadn’t inherited the same short fuse and endurance of temper. No doubt when she got up the next morning, David would act as though nothing had happened and by then if she didn’t have a better handle on her inappropriate lust, then God help her.

Charlene picked at her plate more than she ate before scratching the remains of dinner into the waste basket in the kitchen and depositing the remains into plastic ware containers in the fridge for David to eat if and when he chose to. Diving into the plush living room easy chair, she thumbed absent mindedly through TV channels, realizing there wasn’t anything on worth watching but repeating the scan several times until exhaustion took over her and she got up to make her way up the stairs towards her bedroom. As she neared the top step her iphone chimed in her back pocket. Hastily she clamored for the phone hoping for some word from David. Instead she saw a text message waiting for her from Samantha which she begrudgingly tapped open.

The text read across the small screen in Charlene’s palm. She thumbed a reply in the negative and sent it off but kept the phone in hand expecting more to follow. True to her forecast, the phone chimed yet again as Charlene had just kicked off her shoes in her bedroom and was peeling her jeans down over her hips.

Sam had posted. Charlene sighed with frustration. It was late and she honestly didn’t feel like trying to have an entire conversation via messaging. Instead she highlighted Samantha’s message and hit her call icon.

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