Inseminating my Mom

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I sat there staring ahead, knowing what he had said was true. That’s when four recent thoughts came together:

1. Another plan

2. Gooey tissues

3. Off the charts

4. Rocket fuel

I didn’t know if I was crazy, desperate, or desperately crazy. I didn’t even know if I could say the words I knew I had to say.

“Danny, you like kids, don’t you?”

“Mom, we talked this over before. You know I’d like a little brother or sister. You know that. That’s not the problem.”

“I know that, but … in the future do you think you’d want a child of your own?”

“I’d sure be a better dad than Dad. I’d treat them right.” This time he looked up and his blue eyes met my brown eyes squarely, and I knew what he said came from his heart.

“Danny, I’m going to say something, and you can say ‘no’ and I’ll understand. It’s something that is going to shock you.”

“Mom, you’re the most unshocking person I know. I don’t think you’re going to shock me very much.”

I didn’t even know how to begin. I couldn’t just come out and say what I wanted to say directly. “Danny, I know you have a lot of energy. A real lot of extra energy that you have to let out at times.”

“What are you talking about, Mom?”

This was sooo awkward. “You know I clean your room on a regular basis and throw various debris and clutter away.” I was sounding like an idiot.

“So? You want me to keep my room cleaner with my extra energy? Just say it then.”

I took a deep breath. “No, that’s not what I mean. I guess by energy I mean sexual energy.”

“Oh, you mean the tissues?”

He didn’t seem the least bit embarrassed. “Yes, that’s what I mean.”

“That’s just on the weekend, after our games. I don’t jerk off during the week so I stay strong for the game on Friday night.”

Today was Wednesday. Hence, I didn’t notice any tissues for a while.

“How would you feel if instead of a tissue, you did some good with that energy?”

“I don’t get it?” He looked confused.

“Maybe this is a real bad idea,” I said. “Forget it.”

“No, Mom. What are you saying?”

I pulled out the clinic cup, the extra one. I couldn’t find any words to say, and just held it there. We both looked at it for maybe the longest fifteen seconds in history.

It was Danny who spoke first. “You want me to fill this?”

Before answering, I thought back to Melvin’s pathetic effort, and the word “fill” almost made me laugh. But, it made me remember about a month ago when I was passing Danny’s room and heard his groaning. I peeked in just in time to see him ejaculating into a wad of tissues in his hand. Four or five thick cables of sperm gushed from his fist. I had quickly retreated before he was done. For a week I felt guilty over invading his privacy.

But now I wondered if he could indeed fill it.

“I know I’m asking you something no mother ever should. But, it would probably save our marriage and—”

“You want me to get you pregnant?”

“Well, yes—technically. It’s my last chance. I really feel that, Danny, or I wouldn’t put you in this situation.”

He took the cup from my hand and asked, “They got a rest room in there?”

I nodded. He got out of the car and I watched his 5’9″ 170 pound body jog to the clinic. I was numb, not knowing what to feel.

A few minutes later, he walked back to the car and handed me the cup. Then I knew what to feel: disappointed. It was empty.

“Before he looked at his phone he said, “I thought about it and decided this wasn’t the right way to do things.”

**********************

The ride to the clinic was in silence.

I felt like a stupid fraud when I delivered Melvin’s “sperm.” The technician tried not to react when she surveyed the contents, but I saw her eyes widen, and the sad look she gave me betrayed her thoughts.

“We’ll see you at nine tomorrow morning,” she said, a note of false optimism in her voice.

The ride home was also in silence. Danny and his damned phone. I guess he couldn’t care less about the situation I was in. I had given him the option to say no and he did. I shouldn’t be as angry as I was. But—I was! I was angry at Melvin, and I was angry at Danny.

I slammed the car door and went to the kitchen to start dinner.

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