I know I didn’t do this right. I probably wouldn’t do it again, but this is how it happened and was probably the most likely result under any circumstance.
Jim and I had been married 21 years. At the time Jim would have told you it was a great 21 years. I would have said so too, but I’d have been lying. Marriage was what I expected. My parents were married for 50 years. I don’t really remember them being affectionate towards each other. That was where we were.
He and I dated for 12 months before we got engaged and we were married 3 months later. He was a good looking, hard working man. He was forceful and opinionated in the way he talked and acted, at the time I saw it as a strength and not a detriment.
Jim had a good government job and provided us a nice middle class life. We weren’t rolling in money, but we’d just paid off our mortgage early, we could afford new cars every 5-6 years, we had money for the girls college, and could splurge on a nice vacation every other year. We had Jim’s pension and did good enough in savings that we had some investments and owned 2 rental houses.
We had our girls and things went along normally. I settled into marriage. I was a stay at home mother. I raised my kids, kept house, and made dinner. Our marriage was what I thought marriage was. Actually what we both thought it was.
We had friends, mostly my friends, parents of kids my kids went to school with. We were invited to BBQs and sometimes went out with other couples. His friends were a few guys he worked with and one or two of the husbands in our group. The girls got older and after the girls were 16 I took a part time job working in a small boutique owned by a friend. Life went on.
During this time Jim put on about 40 lbs. I kept my figure. I was proud of it. I hit the gym 2-3 days a week, did weights, and swam. At 5’4, 130, shoulder length auburn hair, I still turned a head or two. I was always mistaken for being in my 30s. When the girls hit high school, every once in awhile they would mention that a friend thought I was hot. Their girl friends would often tell me I was pretty. In our social circle there were a few of us wives who kept their figure, but most hadn’t.
During our marriage one thing bothered me often. We didn’t really communicate. Jim lectured. I did what was needed to manage the house. Jim was opinionated and very judgemental. What seemed strong when I was young, became just obnoxious as I got older. His opinion was right and anyone who disagreed was stupid. It made me sad when he went off. Some of the topics were interesting or, if it was about things that happened in our social group, I would have liked to have been part of a discussion. It was always Jim lecturing.
it was always something. When a local boy got arrested for pot, Jim railed about it being his parents fault and that they were bad people who couldn’t control their child.
He’d say, “I would show that kid what for and he would never do that again,” or, “I’d throw that kid out. See how much pot he can afford on his own.”