My brother Sal and I were getting ready to watch a daytime baseball game the weekend before Mothers’ Day. During the pre-game show, they ran a promo for a rerun of SVU with one of their off-beat paternity cases. I don’t remember what they said in the promo, but it jogged Sal’s memory. “Did you hear about the guy whose girlfriend had his kid after a blow job?”
“How’d that happen?” I asked.
“Well, the reason it made the news is that the guy refused to fuck her. He came in her mouth. No one’s explained how long she held it there, but when he wasn’t looking, she slipped it into her pussy and got pregnant. I don’t remember whether she sued him and that was his defense, or if he was suing her for fraud. One way or another, the judge said that his jizz was ‘a gift,’ so she could use it however she wanted.”
This story had broken a month or two earlier, and I was just hearing about it. Apparently every guy in the world made the same joke I did. I said, “Well, that makes my gift shopping a lot easier than it was last year.”
“Mine, too,” Sal said. He stood up as if there were a woman in front of him and said, “Here, Babe. Sorry I forgot to wrap it.”
Out of the blue, I heard Mama’s voice behind us. “I’d take that,” she said. She was carrying a basket to the laundry room, but she stopped to see our reactions. This wasn’t the first time that Mama joined in our bawdy conversations. I won’t claim there’s a cause and effect, but I noticed it after Dad moved out. Still, she’d never come this close to the line before.
“Really?” Sal asked.
She put down the basket, walked over to Sal and undid the button on his jeans. She was wearing a long T-shirt. I didn’t see any panty lines, and she was doing laundry, so I wondered whether she had anything on underneath. She wears regular jeans, not “mom jeans,” and my friends have told me she’s got a nice ass. “Really,” she said. She didn’t touch his fly, but she didn’t move away either.
I broke the uneasy tension by saying, “It’s great to have a mom that we don’t have to hide our off-color jokes from, isn’t it?” Neither of them moved. “And she even joins in on the jokes, right?”
She unzipped his fly and pulled his jeans down. Sal couldn’t look at her. He looked at me instead and said, “Holy shit, Tom, she’s doing it!”
“Why not?” Mama said. “I haven’t seen a dick in months, and here’s a young stud.” Sal looked at her funny. “At least, to hear you tell it.”
Sal tried to laugh it off. He shook his head and said, “Yeah, well, …”
He stopped when she pulled his dick out of his underwear. She looked at it and said, “Well, I’m glad to see you don’t take after your father!”
Sal looked like he wasn’t standing steady. He moved to his knees, and Mama got on all fours. I found a spot off to their side that gave me a clear view. If I was going to go blind, I wanted it to be worthwhile. I’d seen his dick in the locker room once when we went to the gym together, but this was the first time I’d seen it in action. Mama had just taken the head in. Sal wasn’t all the way hard yet, and the part I could still see was probably seven inches long. I watched her take him in and out, and I watched him get even harder. Mama reached under her chest and pulled the hem of her shirt up enough to start playing with herself.