Incest stories, Naughty Selfies with Mom, I walked down the stairs early morning to the sound of my mother arguing with someone over the phone. She was sitting by the dining room table wearing her robe and she slammed her phone down after she gave the last word.
“Ugghhh… what an asshole,” she muttered to herself.
“What’s wrong?” I asked as I sat down next to her.
She looked uncharacteristically dressed down without any makeup. Her hair was sloppily done and she looked like she was on the verge of tears- a stark contrast to the usual ‘upbeat soccer mom’ image she always presents herself as in public. And her public image was extremely important to her.
“It’s nothing,” she replied in a deflated tone. “Actually… I heard from a friend last night that my boyfriend had been out with another woman.”
“So you think he’s cheating?”
“That could be anything,” I said, trying to make her feel better. “For all you know, that could have been his sister or co-worker.”
“My friend said that this other woman had her head buried in his lap in a parking lot. You know, going up and down. I don’t want to get any more graphic than that.”
She grabbed a tissue and wiped a tear from her eye. “I didn’t want to believe that he was cheating on me either, so I called him just now to talk about it and he was tripping over his words. That jerk eventually admitted it. He tried telling me how she ‘didn’t mean anything to him’ and how sorry he was.”
“Jeez, I can’t believe he would do something like that when he’s already got someone like you.”
“It’s so hard to find a good man these days. I guess that I had been married to your father for so long that I forgot that some men don’t know how to appreciate a good woman.”
“Mom, you’re one of the most beautiful and intelligent women I’ve ever met in my life. If a guy doesn’t appreciate you, then he’s an idiot and it’s his loss.”
“Thanks,” she said with a warm smile. “You’re the best. I’m lucky to have a young man like you in my life. You always know how to cheer me up.”
“Of course, you pay the bills,” I joked.
By the looks of things, mom appeared to lighten up for a moment.
“So I’m assuming it’s over between you and him,” I said.
She let out a loud sigh. “Well to me it’s over. But he says he still wants to talk it over, even after I’ve made it clear that I don’t want to see him anymore.”
“Do you want him back? Do you want to give him a second chance or anything? Do you think he deserves it?”
“Not a chance,” she replied immediately. “I can’t trust him anymore. He’s admitted that he’d been cheating for weeks. Weeks! He was messing around with her and then taking me out on dates.”
“I know he is. But he’s adamant on working things out between us. He says he’s going to call me back when I calm down.”
“Mom, we have a party in a few hours,” I pointed out.
“I know. He’s no longer welcome here. But I think he’s going to try and call me anyway, which would ruin the mood for me. I have family and friends to entertain!”
“Well, if you want my opinion,” I said. “The best way for him to stop bothering you is to, I don’t know, pretend you’ve been cheating on him too.”
“What do you mean?”
“Tell him that you’ve been cheating on him with another guy also. That you don’t want to work things out because you have someone else.”
“I don’t know if he’ll believe it.”
“Of course he will,” I replied. “But only if you make it believable. I mean, he’s been hiding his affair for weeks, who says you haven’t been doing the same thing? Just make him believe that you’ve been cheating too, and he’ll never want to see you again.”
A grin slowly appeared on her face. “Making him jealous certainly doesn’t sound like a bad idea. With the right presentation, I think it could work. If he could play the game, so can I.”
“I’ve got a bad, bad, feeling about that mischievous look on your face,” I said with a grin of my own.
“You’re the one who gave me the idea,” she replied playfully. “It would serve him right for cheating on me. But for now, we should forget him and get ready for the party. I want to look my best.”
“Suddenly you seem a lot happier.”
“Thanks to you. And I pride myself on being a great hostess of parties. Thanks sweetie.”
She stood up and gave me a kiss on the forehead before heading up the stairs. Somehow, this seemed like only the beginning of a long day.
An hour had passed when my mother called me to her room. When I got there, she struck a model pose to show off the outfit she’d be wearing for the party.
“What do you think?” she asked, still looking fresh out of the shower. “Not bad for a 45 year old woman, right?”
Her hands were around her waist as she stood barefoot in a holiday hostess outfit. It mainly consisted of a thick red dress which came down to her knees, displaying her toned calves from all the long distance running she does. It showed off most of her arms, highlighting her regular yoga routine. She also wore an embellished large black belt buckle around her waist. A lot of effort was also put into her hair and makeup.
Simply put, she was stunning!
“You look fantastic,” I replied honestly. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so… dressed up for a party before.”
“You can go ahead and say it.”
I paused a moment. “Sexy.”
“Thanks! Wait until you see my matching black boots. I saw this ensemble a few days ago and I just couldn’t resist.”
“I can see why. Is this still a family friendly party?” I joked.
She smiled, “Of course it is. I know it’s a little more revealing than what I usually wear for these sorts of gatherings, but since this year’s party will only have grown-ups, I figured why not? You only live once, right?”
“Did the break-up have anything to do with this?” I tried to pry out of her more details. “You seem like you’re starting a new chapter in life or something.”
She gave a purposefully coy look. “Maybe. Let’s just say that I feel liberated and I want to look my best. And if you look good, you feel good.”
Right on cue, her phone beeped as she received a text. She picked up the phone on a nearby table, and judging by the suddenly miserable look on her face when she read it, it had to be him.
“Ughh…” she sighed. “He’s apologizing profusely. He also wants to come over right now to talk about things. The last thing I need is for him to come here and make a scene. Guests will be arriving soon. It’ll ruin the party.”
“Just call him back and tell him that you’ll talk to him tomorrow.”
“At this point, I don’t think that would do any good.” The same mischievous grin from earlier this morning suddenly re-appeared on her face. “I’ve got an idea; I don’t know how you would feel about it, but I need a huge favor from you.”
As soon as she said that, she tapped the screen on her phone, doing something which looked important.
She took a few steps forward and stood in front of me. “This is going to sound a bit weird, but can you pretend to be my ‘secret boyfriend’ for a moment? It’s the only way he’ll get a clue that it’s over. It will only take 2 seconds.”
“I guess so, but how exactly is…”
She suddenly grabbed the back of my neck with one hand, leaned forward, and planted a wet and strong kiss on my lips. It felt wonderful feeling her mouth forcefully pressed against mine. It happened so fast that I didn’t know how to react.
Her mouth pulled away and her attention went back to her phone as she looked at the image on its screen.
“Here, have a look,” she said, showing me the picture of our lips kissing. “I’m going to send that to him and he’s going to freak out. It’s a nice way of getting him back for what he’s put me through all morning.”
“Yeah… uh… I’m sure that would do the trick.”
A little smirk appeared on her face. “You enjoyed that kiss, didn’t you?”
“What!? Of course not! I was just going along with it since I knew you had your phone out.”
“Oh, don’t try to deny it. You’re a young man with plenty of desires. I know what young men like. Trust me, us mothers talk, and it seems pretty common that college men your age would feel this way about us.”
“Seriously?” I questioned, surprised that my demure mother would be talking about a subject like this.
“Yes, seriously. We’ve never had this talk before, but I want you to know it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Mom or not, it’s okay if you enjoyed that kiss we shared.”
“I guess there’s no point in denying it,” I reluctantly replied.
“So you did like it?”
She nodded. “You have nice lips. Of course I enjoyed it. Now I want you to admit it.”
“Yes,” I sighed. “It felt nice when you kissed me. Why do you want me to admit it so much?”
“Just in case we need to push this further. Hang on. He’s waiting for my reply. Let’s see how he reacts to the kissing pic. I’ll text him that I’m kissing my new boyfriend.”
Mom stood there and texted the picture to her ex-boyfriend along with her messages. Sure enough, a response came instantly.
“That certainly got a reaction,” she said, her eyes on the phone. “I think he’s upset. Lots of exclamation marks. Oh… now he’s telling me how much he’s screwed up. Wait a second… he’s confessing to cheating on me with 3 other women at his work. That asshole. Hmm… he says that confession is to show his newfound honesty. His ‘repentance.’ Prick. He still wants to come over soon.”
“Will you let him?”
“And ruin our annual holiday party? I don’t think so.”
“Then what are you going to do?” I asked.
A full blown grin appeared on her face. “Are you willing to push this even further? If that kissing pic forced him to confess his other flings, then who knows how he’ll react if I send him something more risque.”
For the first time in my life, I was seeing mom’s naughty and mischievous side. It was a side she so desperately tried to suppress, in her bid to be the pillar of the community. But at least she had good reason. This guy was a jerk to my mom and he didn’t deserve her.
“How risque are you talking about?” I asked. “You know how jealous ex-boyfriends can be. He could put these pictures online or something.”
“First of all,” she said. “He’d never do that, because he’s sent me plenty of pictures of his penis over the past few months. Many of which have his face attached. If he ever leaked my pics, then he knows that his nude pics are going global.”
I suddenly tensed at the awkward admission that my mother was in possession of a guy’s nude pics.
She smiled with a hint of embarrassment. “Sorry, too much information.”
“It’s okay. What’s the other reason? You said ‘first of all,’ which usually implies there’s a second reason.”
“Secondly, neither of our faces will be attached to these pics. They’ll be vague selfies of my body parts, which can’t be used to identify me. Just close ups. Perhaps naughty ones.”