Thirty minutes came and went as blue ink smudged on my left hand moving back and forth across the page. I put down my pen for a moment and downed the rest of my glass. Thirty minutes more felt more like an hour. I marked the book with sticky notes to remember where to find things like names and dates, double-checking that what I had written matched with the information. I looked over at my uncle who looked right back at me with a smirk.
“How’s it going? Almost done?” He sounded almost amused by his own question.
I sighed, “I’m not done. I’m close to half-way, but I don’t think I can keep my focus up much longer. After grinding away at school all week, Fridays should be about fun and release,” I felt bold, so I poured myself another glass of wine, as if making my point. Alex made no move to stop me, rather he leaned forward and poured the rest of the bottle into his glass.
“So, you want to have fun and find some release instead of taking one weekend to crack down and ensure the passing of my class?” He swirled the contents of his glass a bit before taking a swig.
“No, Uncle Alex, that’s not what I’m saying.” Letting out a sigh of frustration, looking down but not focusing on the words on paper. “I’m just saying — I’m just saying that,” I paused trying to think of what I was trying to say.
“You’re just saying that you want to blow off some steam,” he finished for me. “I thought we had a little fun with dinner, Mona. I’ve let you drink plenty of wine tonight, despite the need to start homework. I feel as though I have made this a very relaxing night in spite of your schoolwork.” He leaned forward and shifted slightly toward me after saying all this. His face was so close to mine. I bit my lip as my gaze fell on his mouth momentarily. I caught myself, heart racing, as I lifted my gaze to meet his eyes. His look felt different. Everything felt different.
“You’re right,” my voice came out a little scratchy. I could feel my breaths getting heavier. I didn’t understand what was happening. All I did understand was I wanted to kiss him. I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted… my Uncle Alex. “You’ve been very generous tonight,” I whispered.
“Yes, I have Mona,” he brushed his hand across my cheek and tucked a stray lock of hair behind my ear. “Now, be a good girl and put in thirty more minutes of work, and then maybe we will have some fun.” I noticed his gaze lower to my mouth, and then lower. A shiver ran through my whole body. This had to be the wine. There was no way my teacher, my uncle, was looking at me like that.
“Oh, okay. Cool, thanks.” My response felt so lame and immature, but I felt at a complete loss. What was happening? Was I imagining the looks he was giving me? Did I want him so bad that I concocted this fantasy? He pulled away from me and leaned back into his previous position. He returned his attention to his phone and his wine, so I did my best to return my attention to my homework.
During this third thirty-minute interval, I found it harder to focus than the first time around. I kept feeling his knee grazing mine when he leaned in close before. I could still feel his hand brush against my cheek. It was as if everywhere he touched me had marked me permanently. I tried to get my mind off my uncle and focus on my schoolwork. This assignment needed to be perfect. I could already feel the family guilt party for my failing Uncle Alex’s class. I didn’t want to disappoint everyone, and, despite Uncle Alex’s worries about the placement of blame, I knew I would take the brunt of it. I took the time to try to clear my mind and really put in some effort. I felt him move closer, but I didn’t look up. I could feel myself take a deep inhale as his presence seemed to dominate my world. My hands shook as I tried finishing the paragraph I had been working on. It felt as though he was reading my work over my shoulder. I wanted his approval in hopes of having a worthwhile reward. At some point, I realized I stopped breathing, my nerves on fire.