“I hear you. And you’re right about one thing. The ‘dangerous’ part of planning to be with another man is an important part of what makes it exciting.”
“Yes. And in most relationships, boredom is probably a bigger threat than infidelity.“
She looked him in the eyes.
“I don’t know if I can do this for you. But I’m willing to try.“
“Thank you. And please don’t do it if it doesn’t feel right.“
“I won’t.“
“I’m perfectly fine without it.“
Chapter 7 – Compersion
She frowned.
“So… is that why you want me to have sex with another man?“
“No no!… it’s ONE reason, but it’s not the ONLY reason. And far from the most important.“
“Alright.“
“I mean… first and foremost, I just really want you to have a good time.“
“Okay.“
“Your pleasure gives me joy. Knowing that you’re being sexually satisfied.”
“Right.“
“You being horny makes me horny. You getting satisfied, satisfies me.“
“Okay.“
“It’s called compersion.“
“Compersion?“
“Yes. Compersion is the sympathetic joy you feel for somebody else.“
“… and why do you feel it?“
“I think it’s because in my mind, my sexuality is very closely linked to your sexuality.“
“It is?“
“Yes. I’ve come to realise that I’ve done it unconsciously for years. I’ve emotionally linked my sexuality to yours.“
“Okay. But why?“
“Well… I think because I’m afraid of ending up with a sexuality that’s cut off from you. Like a fantasy universe inside me. That’s something I’ve always dreaded.“
“Okay, I get why that is.“
“So to make sure the connection stayed strong. To keep myself from pulling away from you, sexually.“
She drank from her coffee.
“It all sounds fine and dandy when you say it like that,” she said, “But you’re putting an awful lot of pressure on me.“
“I know.“
“And you know how I hate it, when you cast me in a role in some fantasy.“
“Yes. And you’re right, it’s certainly not without issues. I just think the alternative might be worse.“
“… because we could lose some sexual connection…“
“Exactly.”
“Hm. Yes, well, okay.”
He looked at the floor. Then he looked up again.
“And as you know, my sexuality is a big part of me. Sex is very important to me.“
“Oh, I know.“
“Yes. And that’s why I’m kind of preoccupied with your sexuality.“
“Whether I want it or not.“
“Yes. Absolutely, guilty as charged. But anyway – that’s why I care so much about your sexual gratification. It’s why I’m so excited about your date with Anders. I’m turned on by the thought of your sexuality being stimulated. Evolving. Growing, becoming stronger and turning into something new.“
“Hm.“
“You getting some new sexual experiences and trying things you haven’t tried before – it’s just so cool.“
“Okay.“
“That thrill of being with someone new for the first time again – you’re going to experience it again.“
“God, yes, I am, aren’t I?“
“You sure are, honey. In two days, you sure are.“
Saturday – At Home
Chapter 8 – Preparations
Finally it was Saturday. It was 1 o’clock, she had agreed to be at Anders’ place at 3.
—
“Two more hours,” she said.
“Yes,” he replied.
“God, I’m horny.”
“Me too.”
There was a moment’s quiet.
“I have a small confession to make,” she said.